How to be a Better Male Ally

Written by WIN Staff

Very few people know that WIN Summit began with an initiative set forth by a male ally.  The founder, Jack Simony, saw that women were coming forth with unique negotiation needs that male-dominated spaces were not serving.  Over the past five years WIN Summit has been working to help women strengthen their negotiation muscles to better advocate for themselves and help bridge the opportunity and pay gap.  We are painfully aware that education and empowerment is only one part of the solution towards gender parity. The “lean in'' mentality does have its value, but also its limitations. Even if women negotiate as often as men, whether or not their negotiations are met with as much success, is out of their control.

What implicit biases play into the outcome of a negotiation is hard to measure or anticipate.  One way we can help sensitize men to the role of bias in a negotiation, however, is through better involving them in the conversation.  Research has shown that the more men are actively engaged in the problem, the better companies perform in the space of diversity and inclusion. This makes intuitive sense.  It is hard to change corporate culture without a holistic buy-in, and the more you care about a problem or an issue, the more you see it, notice it, are sensitized to it, and are motivated to do something about it.

To that end, this year we are appealing to our community to nominate a potential Male Ally to attend this year’s summit so that they can listen and learn for themselves how to be a better ally in the office or at the negotiation table to women.   We believe most men out there want to be involved in the conversation.  

So to all the well-intended men out there, whether you attend WIN Summit or not, here are five ways to become a better ally. 

1. Really listen

Active listening is a hard skill to master, but the better you get at it, the more women will want to share and feel that they are being heard.   In order to listen actively, keep an open mind, be sensitive to someone else feeling differently than you do, and get better at validating that person for what they are experiencing.  

2. Sponsor a woman

Don’t just be a mentor.  Go a step further and be a sponsor.  What does this mean? Mentors tend to counsel or give advice.   Sponsors take action and put themselves on the line for others, actively championing that person’s career.   Make an effort to acknowledge women’s accomplishments at meetings or in group chats. The more it is done the more likely a woman’s work will get noticed and awarded.  

3. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable

Calling out any sort of discrimination when you see it is not always an easy thing to do, especially if it is coming from a friend or colleague who is in a powerful position at work.  But if you want to change the culture, you will need to get comfortable advocating for what is right, even if it induces shame or backlash. The more people adopt a zero tolerance policy for sexual abuse or discrimination, the less it will thrive and the easier it will become to call out, no matter how powerful the perpetrator.  In a less extreme but all too common situation, if you observe a man taking credit for a woman’s idea in a meeting, call that out too. It might not make you popular with the offender, but it will set a good example for others.

4. Be an advocate for equal pay, better childcare and parental leave

With women still only making 79 cents on the dollar, and some even less, everyone should be calling out the pay inequities in a company.  Advocating for greater transparency amongst your colleagues around salaries will help expose pay discrepancies and force companies to take action towards greater parity.   Pushing for better childcare and parental leave policies is another important way to help level the playing field. Recent research has shown that one in four women said they had to quit their jobs to care for a child or family member, whereas only 10% of men surveyed said the same.  Additionally, 25% of women who took time off from work said that that leave had a negative impact on their career, compared to only 13% of men. Only by improving company policies towards childcare and parental leave can we begin to unwind some of the stigma and negative repercussions women face for having children. 

5. Take on more at home

Despite the percentage of female breadwinners growing, the balance of household duties is still drastically off kilter.  Women are still bearing the brunt of household chores and research has shown that they are spending as much as ten times  as much time on unpaid domestic tasks as men.  This significantly eats into a women’s bandwidth, time for work, and for herself.  Change starts at home. If you are in a partnership with a woman, take an honest and hard look at the division of these household responsibilities and look for ways in which you can become a more active participant in those chores/tasks to create a more equitable relationship at home.  And watch out for knee-jerk responses like: “well she likes doing those things” or “she’s better at it than I am,” or “I don’t know how to…” Don’t let the status quo stop you from correcting course. Taking that first step is often the hardest but the most worthwhile. 

Becoming a strong ally doesn’t have to be daunting.  Following the above actions to become a better ally is being a pioneer for change. If you are reading this, you’re already curious.  So how can you begin? WIN Summit is one women’s organization where men are welcome. We invite you to immerse yourself in our community and attend our annual event or bring a WIN Workshop to your company.  Listen to the needs of women and hear about the reality women are dealing with every day in the workplace.

If you are a woman reading this and you have someone you would like to nominate as a WIN Ally, please submit your nomination here.  Also, click below to share this article with your network to increase awareness for all allies!