Making the Small Wins Count
By Daniella Kahane
I had one of those NYC moments, looking out the window of my apartment on election night, seeing all these TV screens across different apartments tuned to the same station — watching the election results come in. A portrait of New Yorkers unified in their attention, as we anxiously await the final tallies.
It’s safe to say few of us probably slept soundly these last few days... whether glued to the news or just having fitful dreams like myself, all of us are understandably anxiously wondering what will tomorrow bring? What will the next four years bring?
Many of us are struggling with feelings of impending doom, struggling to find hope during a very dark and uncertain time. During these days when just getting out of bed can feel like a win, it’s important to acknowledge the negotiations we are having with ourselves all day long.
So often we view negotiation narrowly, as a conversation or interaction we have with the other, but the truth is we are negotiating with ourselves all the time. When faced with tremendous levels of uncertainty and anxiety, we need to recognize what we can do to help ourselves. Here are a few negotiation principles that we can apply to ourselves to help us get through these highly stressful times:
Localize don't Globalize [this moment is not going to last forever] - it’s tempting to see the world around us in extremes and paint with a wide brush but that sort of thinking doesn’t usually serve us well. Try and keep things in perspective by acknowledging that this moment/these moments will pass, that things right now are difficult and extremely uncertain but they won’t “always” feel that way and whatever happens you will persevere.
Actively listen [to yourself] - what is your body telling you right now? Are you feeling anxious or panicky, tight? Actively listen to your body — and do something that can help - go for a brisk walk in nature, practice a few minutes of diaphragmatic breathing, take a longer than usual hot shower and be mindful about the warm water on your skin, allow yourself the time to engage in your favorite yoga practice or just get out a foam roller and open up your chest. All these small actions can help calm your nervous system down and allow you to keep your mind in a better place.
Acknowledge your value [give yourself credit] - So often at the end of the day, it is tempting to focus on the never-ending to-do list of things you have put off, or that you need to do tomorrow, or that you haven't accomplished yet. But as I said earlier, these days just getting through the day can feel like a major win and in unusual and stressful times it really is. Give yourself the proper kudos by choosing to focus on everything you did manage, whether that was actually getting to the voting booth, cooking dinner for your family, getting on a zoom call, or walking your dog... all the things we do in a day for ourselves, our families, and for others deserves recognition.
Focus on the silver linings or shared interests [there is always a bright side] - in a win-win negotiation, both parties walk away feeling like their needs are met to some degree. Studies have proven that choosing to focus on the positive gives us a greater sense of agency in our lives. One positive that emerged from this election is the rise in civic engagement. This election has had breakthrough numbers in terms of voting — at least a record number of Americans are advocating for democracy and exercising their civic rights.
Get prepared [continue to empower yourself with the skills to succeed] - at the end of the day, we only have control over ourselves. We have the power to be our best ally or our worst enemy. Carve out space and place to learn the skills you need to prepare yourself for success. Hire a coach to help you make a transition at work, negotiate your next contract, or attend WIN Summit to develop your negotiation and leadership skills, make new relationships, and discover a group of supportive, powerful, and engaged women like yourself.
So as tempting as it is to stay glued to the news, or obsessively scroll through Instagram, or Twitter, turn the TV off, close your app, and do something positive for yourself, no matter how small. That’s how you can “win” in your next negotiation with yourself — and trust that it will make all the difference in the here and now.
