Rerouting… Taking control of your negotiations.

The real barrier to effective negotiation isn’t just skill—it’s mindset.

Written By Caru Jones, WIN Coach

For years, I avoided negotiation altogether. Not because I didn’t know how to do it—I coached others through their own negotiations all the time. But when it came to advocating for myself, I hesitated.

Working in HR, I saw my role as being in service of others. I was the one looking out for employees, making sure they were taken care of, ensuring fairness and balance in the organization. And somewhere along the way, I internalized the belief that putting myself first—asking for more, negotiating for my own needs—was at odds with that.

I told myself, It’s not about me. I need to focus on everyone else first.

And in doing so, I held myself back—financially, professionally, and in the opportunities I allowed myself to pursue.

When I did start negotiating for myself, those old stories didn’t disappear—they just got louder. Instead of asking for what I truly deserved, I downplayed my own value. I negotiated against myself before the conversation had even started. What’s fair? What’s reasonable? I told myself I needed to be mindful of the budget, of the team, of how my request might impact others.

I thought about everyone else’s needs before my own—and in doing so, I shortchanged myself before anyone else had the chance to.

And there it was. The real barrier to negotiation isn’t lack of skill or preparation—it’s the stories we tell ourselves about what we deserve.

More Than Just Strategy

For many of us, negotiation feels like a tactical game—saying the right thing at the right time, reading the other person, finding the perfect balance between assertiveness and diplomacy. The assumption? That success is all about strategy and preparation. 

But even the most well-prepared negotiators can find themselves hesitating, over-explaining, or backtracking before the real conversation even begins.

Because negotiation isn’t just about what we say—it’s about how we show up and what we believe about our own value.

Too often, brilliant, capable individuals hold themselves back, not because they lack experience or expertise, but because of the internal narratives running in the background. Those quiet, persistent voices that say:

If I ask for too much, they’ll think I’m ungrateful.

I need to prove myself first.

I can’t negotiate until I have every possible detail and an airtight argument.

These aren’t facts. They’re fear-based narratives. And they don’t just shape how we negotiate—they shape how we advocate for ourselves, how we lead, and how much space we allow ourselves to take up.

Breaking Free From The Patterns That Hold You Back

Long before we have a seat at the table, we’ve already learned how to negotiate—or, more often, how not to. We absorb unspoken rules about what’s “appropriate” to ask for, when to speak up, and how much space we’re allowed to take. These lessons—shaped by past experiences, workplace culture, and societal conditioning—become the silent forces driving our decision-making in negotiation.

But these aren’t just habits—they are deeply ingrained patterns that influence how we show up, whether we speak up, and how we navigate power dynamics. They influence the opportunities we pursue (or talk ourselves out of), the way we’re perceived in leadership and decision-making spaces, and ultimately, how much agency we have over our professional path.

This is why real negotiation success isn’t just about tactics—it’s about rewiring the way we think about self-advocacy, confidence, and personal power. When we challenge these internal patterns, we don’t just negotiate better; we lead differently, we take up space differently, and we step into our worth fully.

Your M.A.P To Negotiation Success

At WIN Summit 2025: Chart a New Course, we’re diving deep into the internal barriers that hold us back in negotiation. One of this year’s workshops will introduce the M.A.P. Framework, a three-part approach designed to help you break free from self-sabotaging patterns and step into negotiations with confidence and clarity. Here’s a sneak peek at what we’ll cover. 

Mindset: Strengthen Your Mental Fitness

The foundation of negotiation success isn’t just knowing the right words—it’s believing in your ability to use them. Mental fitness is what allows you to hold your ground in discomfort, navigate resistance without retreating, and trust your voice even in high-stakes conversations.

We’ll explore how Saboteurs—inner critics like the Pleaser, the Avoider, and the Perfectionist—quietly undermine your confidence. Once you learn to recognize these limiting beliefs, you can start replacing them with more empowering perspectives.

Awareness: Identify The Stories Running In The Background

We don’t just wake up one day doubting our worth or hesitating to ask for what we deserve—these patterns are built over time. Maybe you’ve been told that speaking up makes you “difficult.” Maybe you’ve absorbed the idea that you need to prove yourself before making a request. Maybe past experiences have taught you that advocating for yourself comes with risk. These narratives—shaped by past experiences, cultural expectations, and workplace dynamics—play on repeat in the background of our negotiations, influencing how we advocate for ourselves.

In this workshop, we’ll uncover the exact moments when self-doubt takes over, challenge the assumptions that have been holding you back, and help you reframe your inner dialogue. Because once you see the pattern, you can change it.

Practice: Intercept Unhelpful Patterns & Rewire Your Thinking

Awareness is powerful, but true transformation happens in the moments when you choose a different response. Once you recognize the signs of self-doubt—when you start hedging, downplaying your request, or over-justifying—you can interrupt the cycle in real time. 

We’ll work on:

✨ Mastering the pause—stating your position, letting it land, and resisting the urge to over-explain.

✨ Holding firm in discomfort—learning to sit with resistance instead of backing down.

✨ Practicing small but powerful shifts that lead to long-term career impact.

Beyond Negotiation: Owning Every Conversation That Shapes Your Career

This isn’t just about negotiation. It’s about changing the way you show up in every conversation that defines your career. It’s about stepping into opportunities before you feel “fully ready.” It’s about making micro-adjustments that create macro career impact.

Because the most powerful negotiations don’t start at the table—they start within.

Join us at WIN Summit 2025 and take control of the conversation. Are you ready to chart a new course?