Surviving Quarantine by Negotiating Schedules, Space, and Struggles

Written by WIN Staff

Every relationship right now can feel pretty strained. Whether it’s someone you haven’t had face-to-face contact with in over a month or someone you find yourself face-to-face with 24-hour regularity, conflict is sure to arise. But how do you get through this quarantine with relationships intact?

The power of negotiation stretches beyond equal pay.  All of your conversations may feel more difficult right now.  From establishing key essentials for work, vying for uninterrupted time for your business with your spouse, to ongoing negotiations with your children about what they can and cannot do - everything may likely feel like a negotiation and it would be only normal to feel depleted energetically. 

One of the most helpful things according to psychologists is to try and take into account the areas in your life in which you have some semblance of control.  It’s easy to focus on the negative, honing in on all that is troubling us, but this only creates more stress.  

Work on setting a schedule.  This is the number one way to maintain some semblance of normally in a highly abnormal environment.  Set a schedule for yourself, children, co-workers and spouse or partner.  You’ll need to negotiate the terms of the agreement with all parties involved.  This isn’t to say you need to figure out everyone else’s schedules (with the exception of the minors in your care) but you’ll need to work within the boundaries of what works for everyone else.  

Set your work hours. Establish when you will be taking calls throughout the day for work.  But be honest when things need to be rearranged.  Things come up, children get antsy or demand attention, other people’s schedules get moved around.  We are living in an unprecedented time, and an unprecedented amount of patience should be afforded to everyone we interact with right now, including ourselves. 

Make a routine for yourself.  Wake up, get out of your pajamas, make breakfast (or coffee) and continuously do those things at the same time every day like you would if you were going to work outside of the house each day.  Go for a walk every evening, set up once a week movie nights or themed dinner nights.  Small routines and established schedules give everyone in the household a sense of normalcy.  

Many conflicts can be resolved through proper time management.  It’s vital to arrange schedules in ways that make all of you (partner or roommates) - not one of you - happy or at least happy enough. 

Set boundaries. It’s important to understand that we all have different needs.  Be understanding of your needs, whether it is physical space to get things done or boundaries on what tasks need to be accomplished. Notice what is causing you stress and try to collaborate with the other people in your household as to how you can mutually seek a solution. 

Make decisions for yourself but not for your partner or friend.  If they want to join in the virtual happy hour, then great but if they don’t want to join, that’s great too.  We need boundaries that can differentiate the endless stretches of time we are existing in right now.  

Although easier said than done, it’s important to differentiate your mom role (if you are a mother) from your professional role. If you do not establish boundaries to dedicate sets of time to either role, you’ll feel as if you are doing neither role well.  Establishing a schedule and creating boundaries can help you feel more attuned to both.  Have open and honest conversations with your significant other and supervisor about your situation and find possible solutions on how your schedule can be better arranged to accommodate each other.  If you’re able to set up a physical boundary to declare a certain time as “you” time or “work” time - then do it! Even if it means clearing out a closet space and setting it up as your new office. 

When it comes to setting boundaries with children, every day should be approached as if you were on an airplane flight.  Whatever it takes to get through the day should be embraced, provided they are safe and not hurting anyone.  If that means more TV and screen time, that is okay.  Develop a kinder lens on your children, and yourself vis-a-vis your children during this crisis.  Looking at this from their perspective, they are learning and likely stressed from this experience.  They are looking to us to see how we and the world deal with extraordinary situations.  Maintaining a positive outlook, prioritizing the family bonding time, and relaxing your “normal standards” will help the whole family emerge from this crisis stronger. 

Prioritize well-being over productivity.  We each need rituals of connection. We get wiped out because we try to take on too many tasks simultaneously.  If laundry needs to sit for a day, let it sit.  If it’s a beautiful day, seize the moment and take a walk.  Be just as patient with yourself as you are with other people.  You do not constantly need to be working.  Identify what is most important and essential to your well-being and prioritize that.  

Managing conflict, internal or external, is never easy but through open communication, establishing routine and boundaries, and most importantly, knowing it's okay to break them both too, perhaps we can feel a little more at ease during these trying times.