Why Valentine’s Day Makes Us Crazy (& Self-Negotiation Makes Us Happy)
Written By Susan Winter, Relationship Expert and Bestselling Author
Be honest ladies. We’ve all had times when Valentine’s Day made us a little crazy. It’s the one day each year that has the ability to destabilize even the most grounded female amongst us. Whether it’s a fleeting moment of sadness or an entire week of the blues, Valentine’s Day carries a huge message for women. It’s become a signifier of our worth and desirability.
Though false, this myth is perpetuated by a culture of commercialized consumerism. Embedded within the ads for cards, jewelry and romantic dinners are the underlying messages: If we (as women) receive a gift that serves as a grand declaration of love, then we’re worthy and our love is worthy. If not, we’re unworthy and wasting our time.
This messaging also affects our significant others as they fall prey to this holiday’s social pressure and behavioral dictates. Our partner fears displeasing us by making the wrong choice of gift that either overshoots or undershoots the mark. What if they express great love, yet are not loved in return? What if they play down their affection and lose us in the process?
Here’s where we can use our ever-handy skillset of negotiation. No, it’s not just for getting the raise we want or the right price on a car. Negotiation can and should be used for our relationships, as well.
For those of you in a partnership, you’re probably hoping for your mate’s heightened attention on this day. You want the thrill of a romantic evening that leaves your toes tingling till the morning. You crave the rapture and passion promised by this holiday of love. This expectation is ripe for self-negotiation and a more realistic version of Valentine’s Day.
If you know your partner loves you, let that be your bedrock. Not all partners know how to knock it out of the ballpark. A solid and consistent love that you can count on is worth everything. So prepare yourself for the fact that your partner may underwhelm you, yet leave a breath of space for the possibility that they could surprise you.
For single ladies, Valentine’s Day can be a chafing reminder of your non-partnered status. The loved one of your dreams isn’t present to fulfill your fantasies. You’re left alone to wonder why others are reaping the rewards of a partnership you rightly deserve, but don’t possess.
This self-negotiation involves a crisp reassessment of your worth or lovability. Self-partnered and single by choice is a valid and complete relationship status. Singlehood can either be a proactive choice, or a temporary segment in time to reset one’s dating goals. ‘Single’ can be reinterpreted as a valuable investment of self-love to be shared with another.
Mentally reframing these constructs through self-negotiation can be the gift we give to ourselves on this Valentine’s Day. Why allow inaccurate social programming to make us feel miserable when we hold the keys to our own happiness and truth?
As this Valentine’s Day approaches, please relax. See the social pressure for what it is—a marketing ploy crafted for revenue. Real love is independent of grand gestures. Real love is quiet but powerful. It’s an inner feeling of connection, safety, and resonance. And it starts with self-love.
Remember too, no single day bears testimony to a partner’s love. Proof of love exists within the many smaller moments of a relationship. To make this one-day a marker of love, is guaranteed to make you “crazy.”
Let your lover off the hook if their actions are anything less than perfect on this day. If you’re single, let yourself off the hook. Love yourself. That’s the basis of all partnership. Know who you are and know your worth. No person and no single day in the calendar year can erase that truth.
Seeking more relationship advice?
Join WIN and Susan Winter in this exciting workshop on relationship-building where Susan will answer all your pressing questions.
LEARN MORE
About the Author: Susan Winter
Relationship expert and bestselling author Susan Winter (Allowing Magnificence, Older Women/Younger Men, and Breakup Triage) specializes in evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. She writes, speaks and coaches on dating issues, relationship challenges, self-esteem, and personal empowerment.