10 Fatal Mistakes that Kill Negotiations
Written by Daphne Sprague, WIN Staff
Many of us find negotiations to be stressful conversations. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the challenges you can encounter when faced with an upcoming business deal or negotiating your salary. Yet, the art of negotiation is a skill anyone can improve at, and at any age.
It can take a long time for discussions to reach a deal, which is why it’s important for you to do your research on what pitfalls to avoid so you can get the most optimal outcome and not leave money on the table. While negotiation training is a lifelong endeavor that you can constantly improve in, we all need somewhere to start so we have put together a list of 10 of the top mistakes to avoid in your next negotiation.
1. Inadequately Preparing
Failing to plan your desired outcome for the negotiation renders it dead on arrival before you’ve even begun to negotiate. Knowing your goals for the negotiation is crucial in order to be able to effectively communicate and reach an agreement with another party. The planning process can be confusing and intimidating, but there are many resources available online to help the process go smoothly. The most popular is preparing a BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement), which outlines your backup plan if you are unable to negotiate your initial conditions. If you’re looking for a more personalized approach to find your best alternatives, seeking out advice from a professional negotiation coach will give you more detailed insights/strategy and a safe forum to prepare effectively.
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2. Forgetting to Document
When dealing with a difficult negotiation, many of the initial deals can get lost. If you’re not documenting what you’ve agreed on, you are at the mercy of your memory or a “he said/she said” and could end up signing off on a deal that isn’t in your best interest. If you are entering into a salary negotiation for a pay raise, you should have been actively documenting each of your accomplishments since your last review. Being able to quantify your achievements makes it easier for your employer to understand your worth and thereby more likely for you to be able to leverage the deal to your advantage.
3. Negotiating with the Wrong Person
It may seem strange, but ask yourself: is the person I’ll be talking with the person that has the power to sign off on this agreement? There’s no point to engaging in a conversation with a person or a group of people that do not have the authority to make the deal. Make sure all the key stakeholders will be in the room prior to entry so you’re not wasting your energy and time or theirs.
4. Lacking Confidence
The confidence gap may be a myth, but women are still perceived to exhibit less confidence at work. Many believe it’s because women do not retain “executive” qualities such as speaking up in meetings, taking up space, projecting one’s voice, or asserting oneself. When it comes to your next negotiation, don’t hold back confidence. If you’ve properly prepared, you’ll have no reason to doubt yourself. Be clear and direct about what you want. You can learn more about how to build confidence in negotiation through our WIN Workshop, Uncovering Your Value.
5. Over-negotiating
The negotiation process is the optimal time to boast about your worth as an employee, however, it can be really tempting to let ego take over and demand more than is reasonable. This power play can lead to an uncomfortable work dynamic in the future. Author and consultant Molly Fletcher puts it this way: "Don't put yourself in a position where you can't go back to a relationship because you over-leveraged.” A couple of easy ways to combat this are to view the process as a results-oriented compromise that works well for both yourself and the company and that prioritizes respect for the other party.
6. Letting Emotions Cloud Your Judgement
On the one hand, emotions can be a wonderful asset in a negotiation. They build empathy for others and help sensitize you to the subtle dance that occurs within any communication. But, it is important to be conscious of when your own emotions might be impeding your judgment within a negotiation. This can manifest itself as showing up to your negotiation angry, on edge, or with a lot of negativity, or taking it personally if you are denied one of your “must-haves.” All of these things are understandable, but are likely to have a negative impact on your negotiation process. If you are a naturally emotional person, set aside time during your negotiation prep at home to journal about the feelings that arise for you during this time, or speak to a professional or loved one. You can also take advantage of our WIN Workshop Holistic Negotiation, which can help you bring the best version of yourself into a negotiation.
7. Forgetting to Actively Listen
For naturally emotional people this is your time to harness your empathy and use it to your benefit! Active listening requires something called tactical empathy. Former FBI and international hostage negotiator Chris Voss defines tactical empathy as a “...recognition of their perspective and articulating what you see in a strategic, even proactive manner. Especially when you don’t ‘like’ their perspective.” When active listening is practiced, you are not simply hearing the other party but internalizing what they are saying in order to understand their perspective. You can practice active listening by switching the phrasing from “I think” or “I feel” to “it seems like” and “it sounds like”, as well as in actions like taking notes during the negotiation process to communicate non-verbally that you are listening.
8. Competing Instead of Collaborating
Negotiation with another party should not feel like a cold and distant process with a virtual stranger, but rather an evidence-based conversation with an end goal between two or more parties that have rapport with each other. Janice Nadler of Northwestern University School of Law conducted research and found that even spending five minutes chatting on the phone, building rapport and discussing issues not related to the upcoming negotiation made each counterpart feel more cooperative. There was more trust, fewer threats, and more information shared. If you’re not up for a phone call, she also said a subsequent email will also do the trick. That said, it is important to not confuse a warm working relationship with a friendship that you can wholeheartedly trust as that can lead to feelings of betrayal post-negotiation. At the end of the day, this is still a business transaction and boundaries are needed, but practicing courtesy beyond the bare minimum is likely to help your negotiation.
9. Assuming Negotiations are only Win-Lose
Negotiation is not a zero sum game process in which one party loses and the other party wins. Put simply, win-win negotiations can be accomplished through dismantling the belief of the “fixed pie”, which is when individuals think that there is a set amount of competition for resources and that one party must win and the other must lose. If you avoided the previous mistakes mentioned, instill a sense of cooperation over competition, and work to build trust, then a win-win should not be as difficult to obtain.
10. Focusing Only on the Money
So much of negotiations are about an exchange of money. But by focusing only on the price tag - you forget so many other alternatives, creative solutions, and values that could be negotiated. Asking for a raise can cause a lot of anxiety and there’s a lot of companies who can’t afford raises in this moment - but that doesn’t mean asking for more benefits is off the table or additional vacation time. Don’t feel uncomfortable about talking about money when trying to strike a deal, but also don’t forget other long-term gains and values that you can walk away with.