A Sit Down With the Author of “Transformative Negotiation”: Sarah Federman
Written By Daniella Kahane
In her latest book, Transformative Negotiation: Strategies for Everyday Change and Equitable Futures, Sarah Federman advances an understanding of power and oppression as core to negotiation, arguing that negotiation is central to social mobility and social change. Bringing theory into action, the book explores the real-world examples that Sarah Federman’s own students bring to class, such as negotiating with courts to get their kids back or with the IRS to reduce late fees.
Daniella Kahane sat down with Sarah to dive deeper into her background and what makes her passionate about these issues.
What compelled you to write this book?
During my first semester teaching masters’ students at the University of Baltimore, I realized that the existing books didn’t speak to their needs and challenges. Most negotiation trainings talk about corporate contexts and do their best to avoid topics like race, class, gender, disabilities, and illness. Our students operated mostly outside of corporate environments, working instead in government agencies, healthcare, education, and law enforcement, or had gigs doing makeup or working as a DJ. Their challenges weren’t business deals, but getting kids back from the court, negotiating with a formerly abusive parent, trying to convince a family member to get off drugs, or with a landlord to fix broken windows. Their problems were urgent, and the books offered little. Even though I had a decade of international negotiation experience, Harvard training in negotiation, and a Ph.D. in Conflict Resolution, I was often stumped. So I began having them coach each other and brought in experts where none of us had answers. The book grew out of these courses.
Book writing doesn't happen overnight and it often involves many twists and turns — how long did it take you to write this book from concept to publishing day?
I realized the need for the book during my first few weeks of teaching in 2017. Standing in front of 20 adults every Monday at 6 p.m. waiting for me to offer something useful, was a constant reminder that we needed to expand the examples and strategies. It took 5 years of teaching, over 100 students, a couple of grants, and a good publisher to get it off the ground. So that’s 5 years (The last book took 11, so this feels quick!).
What was the hardest part of birthing this book for you?
Who was I to write this book? I’m white and never had to deal with racism and its history the way many of my students did. I also grew up in a wealthy town and my father paid for my university education. My challenges had been so different from theirs. The contrast helped me appreciate their extraordinary skills and ability to thrive despite generations of marginalization. While I felt doubt, the book needed to be written and I had the time. With their help, it could happen. The more I partnered with them the more it flowed.
We are all so flooded with information these days — if readers to remember one thing about your book, what would you want it to be?
When you negotiate well, you can uplift your community as well as yourself.
Do you have a favorite story or anecdote from the book — what is it?
Karim’s been on my mind since we caught up on the phone yesterday. He disappeared from class one semester. Instead of just letting him go, sending him berating emails, or selling him on why he needed an education, I kept telling him how much we missed him in class. He challenged me with such interesting questions that class just wasn’t the same without him. No response to my emails. A couple of months later he came into my office and hugged me saying, “Thanks for not giving up on me.”
He’s an incredible leader in Baltimore, carrying many people’s hopes and pain. He was just burnt out. Yes, I negotiated him back into the class, but not with some schmoozy approach. I shared my genuine care and now he’s gone on to do incredible work with Baltimore youth and community engagement. Now he’s a friend and educates me about the city.
What did you learn about yourself through the process of writing this book? How have you grown?
That those who make their lives work after growing up on the streets of Baltimore are some of the savviest negotiators. They have so much to teach me and others who didn’t have to interrupt a violent altercation or hustle for food. I think they can be some of the best leaders because they have a huge BS detector and aren’t thrown off by emotional explosions the way I am.
Obviously, negotiation is what this book is anchored on - what is your favorite bitesize negotiation tip?
Keep asking, keep giving, and keep imagining.
What is the biggest negotiation myth you'd like to debunk?
That you must be scary, intimidating, and aggressive to be a great negotiator. Bullies aren’t negotiating, they’re using coercion or power. That’s force, not intelligence. Great negotiators are creative and care about relationships, working until they find a win for all parties.
How did you settle on or choose your book's title?
The working title was “Getting Free” because I saw my students trying to get free from debt, abusive relationships, sickness, overwhelm, low-paying jobs, etc. But it wasn’t clear from the title that it was about negotiation. Maura Roessner at the University of California Press and their editorial board worked with me on this. I think they did a great job.
Finally, a fun one: If you could have authored any other book in the world (published at any point in history) which one would it be and why?
Whatever book brought the most love into the world.
Meet Sarah Federman
Sarah Federman is an author, educator, and conflict resolution practitioner. Prior to this work, she spent a decade as an international executive working with clients such as Google and the NFL. A job transfer from Manhattan to Paris led her to an encounter with her own name on a Holocaust memorial wall. This moment prompted her to turn her attention to helping people avoid mass violence, focusing specifically on corporate complicity. She is now an Associate Professor of Conflict Resolution at the Joan B Kroc School of Peace Studies at the University of San Diego.
You can learn more about Sarah, her work, and order her book Transformative Negotiation on her website: https://sarahfederman.com
