5 Ways to Harness The Power Of Your Body Language In Your Next Negotiation

Written by WIN Staff

Imagine yourself walking into a networking event full of strangers. Your eyes dart around anxiously, wishing you recognized a familiar face. You head to the bar, a somewhat safe target, at least you know how to start a conversation with the bartender. You might notice your palms are now a bit sweaty as you pick your glass up off the counter. Now, drink in hand, you have the challenge of figuring out how to insert yourself into a conversation with a group of strangers. Your eyes scan the room looking for a lonely floater, or a group that seems “open.” But what does “open” even mean?

From posture, to hand and feet positioning, vocal tone and pitch, to how we breathe, the way we navigate ourselves through space sends a powerful non-verbal message, known as body language. Whether we are aware of it or like to admit it, our bodies speak in formidable ways that communicates core information about us to others. Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell pioneered the formative study of nonverbal communication and found that the verbal component of an in-person conversation qualifies for less than 35 percent, while over 65 percent of communication is done nonverbally. By mastering our body language, we can begin controlling the messaging we are sending -- whether at a business meeting, an interview, or on a date.

Here are a few key tips to help present your best self in a negotiation, and generally in life.

1. Assess Your Baseline – and Theirs

It may sound counterintuitive, but the most important step to mastering body language is to pay attention to your own. That means checking in with your unique body language fingerprint--your typical facial expressions, posture, eye contact, and habits throughout the day. Do you tap your foot unconsciously? Unknowingly crease your brow or touch your face? By becoming aware of these innate signals, we can adjust our own body language to accurately reflect who we are and how people perceive us.

In addition to being mindful of your body language, look for the natural patterns of those around you. Knowing someone else’s default body language prior to entering a negotiation can set you up for success. If you know the person regularly crosses their arms, or taps their feet, you won’t misread these cues as disinterested or abnormal. This will not only put you at ease, but also allow you to look for the out-of- character signs that are more revealing during the negotiation.

2. Open Up

Body language can have a tremendous impact on the energy of your conversations. Closed posture and body language--such as crossed arms, a curved spine, or feet pointed towards the door--set a negative tone even if your words are positive. Open, positive body language indicates friendliness, interest and willingness, and will subconsciously help your conversational partner feel more receptive towards you.

What does positive body language look like? Straighten your posture, relax and draw back your shoulders, and keep your chest open to facilitate a relaxed and cooperative energy during the conversation. Don’t be afraid to take up some space. Shrinking into yourself and crossing your legs reveals a closed-off attitude, and a lack of confidence. Subtly lean in to your conversational partner to signal interest. Avoid jumpy or fidgety movements to put your partner at ease. Pay attention to see if the other person’s body language opens up at any point. Something you might have said could have triggered a change in their body language. If they uncross their legs or arms that can reveal a shift in the way they are thinking and provide helpful cues for you to proceed with or alter your current style of negotiation.

3. Friendly Eye Contact

Eyes are the window to the soul, or so the saying goes, and this is especially true when it comes to negotiation. You can learn a lot through a person’s eyes. Effective eye contact is critical for building relationships and communicating messages. If you struggle with eye contact during interactions at work, try making an effort to keep your eyes up. Evasive eye contact has been shown to signal shame, insecurity, timidity, even deception or disinterest. On the other end, overly persistent eye contact can seem like an attempt at intimidation, and can make conversational partners feel uncomfortable and overly studied. Fortunately, there is a happy medium. Researchers have found that during the course of an interesting conversation, people maintain eye contact about 80% of the time. Holding eye contact with someone can emphasize a point, establish a connection and promote interest. Regular eye contact makes you seem more confident and is often associated with stronger leaders, greater intelligence, and less anxiety.

4. Hands, Hands, Hands

Using your hands appropriately during a conversation or negotiation can significantly enhance your power and likability. When you’re comfortable, your partner is far more likely to feel comfortable as well. Nothing says anxiety like rubbing your face or head, fidgeting with your hair, or biting your nails. Instead, keep hands relaxed and away from the face. Use gestures alongside your points to play up your remarks and leave an open, confident impression.

Speaking of hands, don’t forget the handshake. While theres been a great deal of research on the perfect handshake,’ one simple but powerful truth has emerged: handshakes are a critical part of any professional interaction. A study at the University of Chicago showed that handshakes promote feelings of comfort, trust and solidarity, and increase cooperative behavior in making deals. Whether before or after, shake on it. Just remember, touch is powerful. This is your chance to convey who you are through one of our major senses. When you shake, make sure the other person can feel the confident, authoritative, open person you are.

5. Slow Down and Listen Up

Though people focus on words, the tone, pace and rhythm of your voice is just as important in a negotiation. The combination of stress, excitement and passion might cause you to trip over your words, speed up more than you think, and even accidentally misrepresent yourself in the heat of the moment. Responding slowly and in calm tones will show confidence and self-assuredness. 

In addition to how you speak, listening to the other person is key! Not only can it help you understand where they’re coming from, but it can also slow down your response time. When you listen, you take time to absorb and digest new information. Pause briefly to show that you’ve thought about what they have said. By taking a moment before you respond, you validate your negotiation partner and help them feel both respected and considered.

Finally, don’t be afraid of a little silence! Short silences indicate that you’re taking time to formulate a comprehensive response. Plus, used strategically in negotiations, short silences can also spark some insecurities in your conversational partner that could reap major rewards for you.

So next time you are walking into that intimidating networking event, take a moment, breathe into your diaphragm, throw your shoulders back, uncross your arms, straighten your posture, and smile. After all, you’re already 65% of the way there.