Developing More Effective Virtual Relationships
Written by: WIN Staff
The stress of a global pandemic, national protests, Zoom school, and now raging wildfires have left us uncertain and anxious. As businesses turned to remote work to keep up with “the new normal”, we all become increasingly isolated and aware of just how hard-wired we are for personal interaction.
Face-to-face communication became a footnote to our reality. Random check-ins with colleagues at their desks disappeared and relationships naturally became much harder to maintain. Quite abruptly, we were forced to change the way we interacted with colleagues, friends, potential clients, and prospects.
Workplace changes have placed new pressures on how we communicate. It is important to find ways to deconstruct those pressures in a positive, deliberate manner to help improve your virtual relationships and work environment. Improving our emotional intelligence is key.
As we continue to grow and adapt to working remotely (and with the additional challenge of masks when face to face), emotional intelligence can feel elusive but that is what makes it so critical. Emotional Intelligence is most commonly defined as the ability to 1) recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, 2) perceive and influence the emotions of others, and 3) cope with challenges, manage stress, and make decisions. In more practical terms, it means being aware of how our emotions can drive our behavior and impact people (both positively and negatively).
Organizations that recognize the importance of emotional intelligence and human connection will be the ones to rise to the ranks. Leaders who focus on developing and demonstrating emotional intelligence build trust with their employees, colleagues, counterparts, and clients.
There is a common assumption that women are more emotionally intelligent than men. This is because women generally tend to express emotions more freely than men do and also display higher levels of empathy. Beginning in childhood, girls are given permission by society to be more empathetic and place a priority on deep and meaningful relationships. Boys, on the other hand, rely on harder skills like aggression as a default reaction to stress. Yet, studies have shown that men and women rate the same in emotional intelligence. Although women process different strengths of emotional intelligence, such as empathy.
Negotiators and leaders who regularly are able to put themselves in another person’s shoes, the emotional intelligence capacity for empathy, are able to recognize the needs of others as well as their own. Empathy can be divided into two aspects: cognitive and emotional. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how someone else sees a situation. Emotional empathy is the ability to understand how someone is feeling about a situation. Both are essential to rapport and trust-building.
Our awareness of emotional intelligence should be heightened in virtual settings. It’s a lot more important coupled with the ongoing social and economic stressors. When we are under a lot of pressure, our emotions can override thoughts more easily and we become less aware of the impact we are having on someone else. When you meet with someone face-to-face, whether it be a conference room or restaurant, you can be aware of your surroundings, observe reactions in greater detail, adapt, and respond accordingly.
If we consider that in face-to-face conversations, our communication is mostly influenced through the non-verbal arena (we experience 55% body language, 38% tone of voice, and only 7% of the actual words spoken (Albert Mehrabian), a shift must happen to assess emotional intelligence and transition our communication styles to a virtual setting.
Here are a few ways to cultivate and deepen emotional intelligence, regardless of the forum:
Find common ground. No matter what medium is being used, building trust is of the utmost importance. Whether it be with a counterpart or colleague, try to get to know them. Ice breakers are great for this purpose. Instead of having a truly transactional conversation, ease in with questions about their day, their family, or their upcoming plans. Social and emotionally intelligent conversations are the foundation blocks of rapport-building.
Take time to self-assess. Take the time to remind yourself that a remote environment is different than what most of your team may be used to. By reflecting on your own emotions, you’re able to evaluate how they might be projecting onto others. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling at this moment?” or “Which emotions and impulses do I need to control?”
Use your words wisely. Without face-to-face interactions, the words you use to communicate become vastly more important. Try to find ways to communicate decisions that show empathy. Ask yourself, “How will others interpret my words?” and “How are they likely to react?” Your words should convey sensitivity, adaptability, positivity, self-control, and a creative mindset. Thinking before speaking is a hallmark to exhibiting emotional intelligence.
Remain visible and approachable. For a remote workplace, it’s important for leaders to navigate the emotional sensitivities of the workforce. It is easy to shut-in and only focus on the task or situation at hand. Think about creative ways you can check-in with colleagues/clients or be able to meet collectively to review strategies. This can be done through phone calls or quick instant messaging to convey clear messages.
Feel the feelings of others. The pandemic has produced a lot of unique challenges. One example is the closing of daycares and schools which has caused disruption in many parents’ lives. Being able to connect with someone and understand their situation and their emotional state that stems from it makes you a stronger, more empathetic leader. When you notice someone misses a meeting or seeming distracted during a video call make a point to check in with that person privately. Although exhibiting empathy is easier to practice in person, we can still have these moments of connection and shared feelings in the virtual world. Providing understanding lets them feel supported instead of attacked.
Strengthening emotional intelligence through engaging conversations creates positive change for work environments and relationships. We can engage more productively by constantly thinking creatively about mutually beneficial solutions. One main challenge for virtual teams is effective communication. It takes a conscious and persistent effort to cultivate emotional intelligence amidst a crisis. But doing so can help you thrive through even the most trying of times.