Managing Your Emotions in a Negotiation
Written by Whitney Nichols, WIN Staff
The first step in any negotiation is preparation. You need to research your counterparty, sear your BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) into your head, and strategize the ZOPA (zone of possible agreements) and your RP (reservation point or walk away point). And, perhaps most importantly, you must prepare your emotions.
Emotions can make or break how we operate in everyday situations, so why would that not apply to negotiation?
A writer for the Harvard Business Review, Shirli Kopelman says that your emotions affect every part of your life. This includes important negotiations at work. Emotions may cause you to act without thinking or withdraw, and become reclusive. But they may also provide you with the motivation to put the necessary energy into your discussion. Your emotions fuel your conversations. One of our coaches at WIN, Mallory Stevens, echoes this by pointing out that emotions tell us what is important to us. We must listen to them because they can serve as our North Star.
BEFORE A NEGOTIATION
In order to be a successful negotiator, you need to understand your emotions. This involves the prep work done prior to your negotiation. Emotions can be contagious, and it’s important to not let yourself be affected by others’ emotions. But how?
In an article by HBR, the author suggests that to be comfortable with negotiation, one must first find out what causes stress when negotiating. Don’t ignore the anxiety that rises when negotiation comes to mind. Instead, spend time considering the possible scenarios that may occur. Which situations will cause you to feel out of control? Will you be disappointed by what your counterpart might say? Do you think you’ll feel overwhelmed thinking on your feet? This sort of exposure, and flushing, can help you normalize the experience and the emotion in advance, so that when you are in the actual negotiation and not the simulation you are able to feel more comfortable and composed.
Find the root emotions that the situations may cause. Frustration, embarrassment, anger? Perhaps some strategies to process them in the moment so they don’t hijack you. To calm yourself down, you could take some deep breaths and focus on your goal, take a sip of water, or recite in your head an encouraging quote to center yourself.
Maybe you came into the negotiation upset already. Your child made you late or your boss called you into his office. Knowing how to handle these unforeseen scenarios beforehand will ensure your negotiation process is effective.
DURING THE NEGOTIATION
Be mindful throughout your negotiation process. Be aware of everything going on in the room from body language to facial expressions to word choice. This will also make recognizing your emotions that much easier. Shirli Kopelman says you must figure out if an emotion will be helpful or harmful to you.
When your emotions run hot during your negotiation, acknowledge what triggered them. After your emotional inventory, try to amplify or diminish your emotions depending on if they are helpful or not. Use the feelings positively if you can. These emotions may allow you to become more confident and passionate in your argument. Or if they are negative opinions, recall all the emotional preparation you did for this very circumstance and channel that preparation. Identify your emotional trigger and focus on something else or use the release method you had planned for.
If you are already too caught up in your emotions, be aware of how you may be displaying them. Kopelman reminds us that you may have changed your body language or expression without even knowing it. It’s okay to take a second to gather yourself. Change your body position or how fast or slow you are speaking and focus on that instead. She also says, “seek out a trigger that causes a more helpful emotion.”
It is well known that if we are able to identify the source of our emotions, we are less likely to be negatively affected by them. It is also important to remember that this works both ways and uses our emotions and capacity for empathy to be more sensitive to our counterparty. If your counterpart is being a little difficult, it could be caused by outside variables, having nothing to do with you. Maybe the person that walked in late received disappointing news and we should feel sympathetic instead of frustrated. Your humanity can go a long way to build rapport and stopping to consider what is on another's plate can open your eyes to meaningful common ground.
Lastly, be aware that positive emotions can sometimes be a detriment. If you begin to notice that the negotiation is going your way, you may get excited and overlook things that were necessary or important to you in your deal. Even in the best-case scenario, keep track of your BATNA, and don’t let your emotions in either extreme get in your way.
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