Navigating the Negotiation Tightrope: 7 “Deadly” Fears Women Face and How to Overcome Them
Written By Katie Johnson
Negotiation is an integral part of both our personal and professional lives. It's a skill that can pave the way for career growth, higher salaries, and overall empowerment. However, many women grapple with fears and anxieties when it comes to negotiating. These fears can often act as barriers to achieving their goals. Here are the top seven fears we find women commonly face when negotiating in the workplace and actionable ways that those fears can be overcome.
1. Fear of Being Seen as Aggressive
One of the most prevalent fears women face during negotiations is the fear of being perceived as aggressive or pushy. This fear stems from societal expectations that women should be polite and accommodating. Over the years, studies have shown that women who negotiate assertively may be penalized with negative labels, such as "bossy" or "domineering."
Overcoming It: To overcome this fear, women should recognize that assertive negotiation is not synonymous with aggression. It is about advocating for one's interests confidently and professionally. It's important to focus on the value you bring and the fairness of your request. Prepare for the negotiation with clear, well-researched arguments and politely and assertively make your case without apologizing.
2. Fear of Rejection
Many women fear rejection when negotiating, especially in professional settings. The fear of being told "no" or having their requests denied can be paralyzing. According to Harvard Business Review, women are often less likely to negotiate because of this fear.
Overcoming It: It's essential to reframe rejection as a natural part of the negotiation process, not a reflection of your worth or abilities. Prepare for negotiations by doing your homework and anticipating potential objections. Be ready with counterarguments and alternative solutions. Remember, even if you face rejection, it's an opportunity to learn and refine your approach for the next negotiation. If met with a ‘no,’ try and learn from it. Asking questions to understand why the ‘no,’ will help you move forward and potentially even find a mutually beneficial solution.
3. Fear of Damaging Relationships
Women often fear that negotiating might damage their personal or professional relationships. The fear of coming across as difficult or adversarial can be a significant barrier. In her book, "Women Don't Ask," Linda Babcock highlights that women are often hesitant to negotiate because they are concerned about damaging relationships.
Overcoming It: It's crucial to approach negotiations as a collaborative problem-solving exercise rather than a confrontation or a zero-sum game. Communicate your interests clearly and listen actively to the other party's concerns. Building rapport and finding common ground can help in maintaining positive relationships while still advocating for your needs.
4. Fear of Inadequate Preparation
Negotiating can be daunting, especially when you feel underprepared. The fear of not having enough information or lacking the right skills can undermine confidence. This fear can also be fueled by imposter syndrome. Research shows that women are more likely to experience imposter syndrome than men, which can intensify the fear of inadequate preparation.
Overcoming It: The key to conquering this fear is thorough preparation. Arm yourself with data, research, and a clear understanding of your objectives. Develop negotiation skills through practice, training, and mentoring. When you are well-prepared, your confidence will naturally grow, making you more capable of negotiating effectively.
5. Fear of Backlash
Women often worry about the potential backlash from negotiating. They fear that standing up for themselves may lead to negative consequences such as being passed over for promotions or facing discrimination. According to research published in the Harvard Business Review, this fear can cause women to opt out of negotiations.
Overcoming It: To overcome this fear, women should recognize that negotiation is a fundamental tool for achieving their goals. While backlash may occur, it is essential to document any discriminatory actions and seek support from mentors, allies, or HR when necessary. Encourage organizations to create an inclusive and supportive environment for negotiations.
6. Fear of Gender Bias
Gender bias can play a significant role in women's fears during negotiations. Studies have shown that gender bias can lead to women receiving less favorable outcomes in negotiations. This fear can be understandable, as women may believe the system is inherently biased against them.
Overcoming It: It's essential to acknowledge that gender bias exists and actively seek to challenge it. Lean on data, facts, and benchmarks to demonstrate the fairness of your request. Seek out allies who can support your negotiation efforts internally, and advocate for gender-neutral policies within your organization.
7. Fear of Being Unlikable
The fear of being seen as unlikable is another common fear among women in negotiations. Women often face societal pressure to be pleasant and likable, which can make them hesitant to assert their needs. The fear of being disliked can hinder effective negotiation.
Overcoming It: It's crucial to prioritize being respected over being liked in negotiation. Focus on building credibility and demonstrating your competence, trust-worthiness, and integrity. By presenting yourself as professional, prepared, and assertive, you can overcome this fear and ultimately gain the respect of your peers and superiors.
Conclusion
Negotiation is an essential skill for women seeking to achieve their goals, whether in their careers or personal lives. By acknowledging and addressing these common fears, women can remove some of the internal obstacles they face around negotiation and become more effective negotiators. Remember that negotiation is a learnable skill, and with practice and support, women can confidently advocate for their interests and bridge the gender gap in negotiations.
