Negotiating More Gratitude Into Your Life
Photo credit: Penelope Dullaghan
Written by Katie Johnson, WIN Staff
This Thanksgiving season, we wanted to shift the focus away from negotiation with others, and onto negotiation with the self. We are constantly negotiating with ourselves: how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about the future, about our lives, about our partners, about our work, our friendships -- the constant conversations in our mind are micro negotiations that can exhaust us and leave us feeling depleted and depressed.
According to experts, we have an approximate 60,000-80,000 thoughts a day -- and many of those are self directed. So how can we negotiate better with ourselves? One proven way to maximize our potential is to utilize the power of gratitude.
The effectiveness of gratitude is overwhelming: it produces a positive effect in nearly every area of health and well-being, from enabling us to feel more optimistic and hopeful about life, to boosting our immune systems, and decreasing depression, gratitude takes no physical effort and yet has profound lasting effects.
But adopting an attitude of gratitude means training your brain to take on a new habit. We tend to self-negotiate and resist change. This is because change is hard. It can be scary. But most of all, it makes us feel uncomfortable. Yet, change is necessary for growth and improvement.
Because we know we are flooded with choices that detract from the habits we wish to build we have put together FIVE simple tips that you can incorporate into your everyday life to negotiate more gratitude into your life.
1. Start a gratitude journal.
Now, hear us out here. Almost every gratitude list you will find on the internet includes keeping a journal. Everyone wouldn’t be giving this advice if there wasn’t some truth to it. Taking the time to evaluate the few things you are thankful for that day helps us become more focused individuals. But, maybe a journal isn’t for you. Other options include starting a gratitude Instagram. Simply take a photo of something that made you smile that day and post it! You can also just take short notes on your phone – jotting down the little things that happened that make you feel grateful.
To get you started, ask yourself:
What three things am I grateful for today?
What was my one WIN today?
What is one good thing that happened today?
How did these things make me feel?
2. Give things away.
Beyond Marie Kondo-ing your life, giving will help buoy your spirit (and declutter your home, which will invariably make you feel more organized and more grateful for the things you have) ---- in the case you already gave away your things to live the modern minimalist lifestyle, volunteering can also have the same effect!
3. Take a walk.
Sometimes we need to get out of the spaces we see every day. Offices get too crowded. The walls of our homes can feel constricting. Take time out to go for a walk. Breathe in the air, watch your surroundings, maybe even meet someone new. Whatever you do, be mindful – don’t focus on the things that are clouding your mind but instead try to find things that bring joy to your heart and mind.
4. Send a thank-you note.
The act of writing a thank you card to someone who might not be aware of an act of kindness they did for you, or of an impact they had on you has been proven to help people usher in more gratitude. In addition to the positive effect it will have on the person receiving it, it actually has a mirror effect on the card-giver.
5. Get better at accepting compliments.
As women, many of us are terrible at accepting compliments. But when you do not accept a compliment, you don’t allow the kindness of the words to impact you. Saying a simple “thank you” instead at the receipt of a compliment, even when your instinct is to reject it, can help you feel grateful both to the compliment giver but also perhaps even give you the ability to pause and reflect on the compliment and feel grateful about whatever it is about yourself or your life that has attracted the praise.
Habits aren’t formed overnight. But it only takes 10-weeks of gratitude practice for people to show greater empathy and happiness. This Thanksgiving, rather than trying to change the things you don’t love about your life, try and fall in love with the life you already have through the power of gratitude. This doesn’t mean you have to stop desiring more or that you are not allowed to be negative. Changing our behaviors leads to an attitude change – and when we look at life through a grateful lens, we are able to participate more fully in the life we currently have, which will enable us to recognize and seize the opportunities for the life that we want. Now that is what we call a WIN-WIN.