How Mothers Can Negotiate Their Worth In the Workplace Today
Written By WIN Executive Director + CEO, Daniella Kahane
While there are many challenges we face as women and specifically as mothers, today, it's undeniable that we are living in an unprecedented time of opportunity, and change, a real awakening, or one could even call it a reckoning, where past failures and toxicities are getting aired, and new standards, revised scripts, and new roles are being written and called for.
The point is, first and foremost, we need to acknowledge that now, more than ever before in history, we have the power. Yes, we still have a long ways to go, but as women, we are finally beginning to demand our worth, and that is coming through a greater number of people, both men and women, acknowledging that the old belief of "men’s time is diamonds, women's time is sand" as our friend Eve Rodsky puts it, is a myth that must get re-written.
To this end, we are shaping the conversation around workplace culture and in tandem with the forced exit or shecession that so many women experienced due to the pandemic and being the primary caregiver, all of a sudden needing to homeschool or zoom school children, we have reached our breaking point.
Though mothers often feel and are penalized in the workplace - aka the Motherhood Penalty - with the real shortage of talent, an increasingly competitive landscape, and the 'aha moments' people experienced with covid, now more than ever power lies in the hands of the employee.
We need to catalyze upon that moment by choosing to negotiate and then by sharing those negotiation stories with our friends, our peers, and our communities. As I often say, when we go in and negotiate as a woman, or as a mother, we are not just negotiating for ourselves, but for the precedent for all women and mothers.
So here are 5 key ways you mothers can negotiate your worth today.
1. Reframe and reclaim the "Mother" title: know that your experience/skillset as a parent is an asset to be lauded not a deficit to be hid.
This shift represents a tremendous moment in history, where for the first time, we are calling out an unjust false belief - i.e. that women must hide their personal responsibilities because it made them less devoted to, or less competent at their work. This deep-seated bias, which has strong double standards for men, aka the Fatherhood Bonus, whose trust/likeability and wages/promotions go up when they become fathers, is finally getting called out by women, and by society at large. It will take a while for businesses to actually embrace this, but I believe we are on the right path. Your experience as a parent is a non-stop, 24/7 boot camp training ground in growing your management, conflict resolution, negotiation and leadership skills, etc and you should frame it that way.
2. Know that everything is negotiable.
When you are in the midst of a negotiation for a position, remember that this is not only an opportunity for the company to interview you but also for you to interview them. Ask about the parental leave policies, PTO, WFH flexibility, and other benefits that you may be interested in. Some companies today have gone so far as to offer tutoring credits for your children, after school hours daycare, 4-day work weeks, and many other culture-changing perks or benefits that might not even be on your radar so think critically before you head into an interview, in terms of what things you would place a high value on that might not be initially offered but can certainly be negotiated.
3. Identify your non-negotiables.
At the same time that everything is negotiable, there will also be things in your life that you do not want to negotiate. This is where tuning into your and your family’s needs is supercritical. As a parent with unique children at unique stages, you will have things that are non-negotiables, which will likely evolve as your role as a parent evolves. Before a negotiation, identify your non-negotiables so that you can keep those front and center as it's very easy to get derailed in a conversation where you feel the stakes are high. For instance, you can negotiate your schedule to fit your needs and carve out the daily dinner and bedtime routine with your children that is a cherished part of your family life.
4. Know your value
First, normalize and then shake off the insecurity and imposter syndrome (we all, no matter how traditionally successful, feel it sometimes) and sit down with yourself to write a value statement. What value do you bring to a team? What are your unique skill sets? What makes you good at what you do? How do people feel around you? What makes you a strong leader? Think about yourself through the eyes of your best friend, mother, or sister, and then go write the piece. Build yourself up. You deserve it.
Then, articulate how you can benefit the other -- not only through illuminating past experiences but also in forecasting future ones. Share a vision that can excite someone to get behind it. Your passion, whether it be a project you want, or a position, along with the 'why' behind the passion, will set you apart.
Finally, come in prepared. Too often we give our power away inadvertently by not coming in prepared with the information or facts we need. To this end, we encourage everyone to keep a "WIN Journal" where you can track your professional accomplishments and celebrate the small wins, not just the major ones. It will also help you recall, recount, and track the vast number of projects you managed and accomplished at work, which can be hard to pull up and recall over time otherwise.
5. See negotiation as a form of connection and problem solving for mutual gain:
Rather than a zero-sum game approach, look for opportunities to put your counterparty in the solution-finding role as opposed to attacking or confronting them with a problem. This will empower them to want to help you as opposed to putting them on the defensive and create a win-win solution for both parties, whether that be your spouse picking up more slack at home, your boss offering you flex work from home, or DO NOT DISTURB hours between 6:00 - 8:00 PM.
Whether you are in need of a change in your current professional position, are negotiating a new job, want to get back into the workplace part-time, or are taking time off from the traditional workforce, use these five negotiation tips to help steer you towards the right opportunities for you. And remember the truth behind the saying: when you need something done, give it to the busiest person – no one gets this as much as you moms out there!
Let's Put a Stop to the Motherhood Tax
Join us for WIN Summit 2022 on June 1st to learn from mothers in the workplace and other negotiation experts and thought leaders.
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More About The Author
Daniella Kahane
CEO + Executive Director, WIN Summit, LLC
Daniella Kahane is a Peabody award-winning filmmaker and content creator/producer. As Executive Director and CEO of WIN (Women in Negotiation), Daniella has grown WIN Summit out of a once a year event to a year-round operation, that offers negotiation coaching and workshops, as well as a vibrant community of professional women, to help more women rise personally and professionally. She is also the author of the children's book Sadie Swims.
Ms. Kahane has been passionate about female empowerment since her very first documentary which explored the relevance of all-women colleges today.
Ms. Kahane graduated from Barnard College, Columbia University, and School of the Arts, Columbia University. She is the recipient of the HBO Young Producer’s Award and was first runner up for the prestigious Producers Guild of America Award.
Her greatest accomplishment, however, is being a mom to three little women who are undoubtedly her toughest negotiation partners.
